A Lesson From The Past

” I knew a Magician at Alexandria, a short bald man with a huge torso bearing a hundred wounds from spikes half-driven into him. He had mastered pain and control of his blood’s circulation. Drunk with his power, he claimed no one could kill him and appearing before a great crowd, he had a soldier hurl a spear at his chest. I saw the mad pride and exultation in his face as the soldier threw the spear from twenty feet away. The spear dug into his chest and he fell. The crowd, cheering wildly, waited for him to get up. But he was Dead !!! ”

Kemmiiii : So ?

ME : So What ?

Kemmiiii : ahn ahn ! What’s the MORAL of the story na ?

ME : Hoekay !

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

*in Patience Jonathan’s voice * Shildrem …The story is about PRIDE . Therefore you must not steal again, you heard ? Err….I mean, being full of oneself is evil ( ” like we didn’t know “. Who talk that one ? Your Papa ohh !! ) . The magician thought he knew it all, look what happened to him * wiping tears off his ugly face albeit trying to avoid ruining his make-up * . That is why you can’t drink your own urine ( i was told Ibadan people drink urine as antidote for some diseases, issorai ! ). *in Uncle Iroh’s voice* Perfection isn’t a quality found in Men, only Gods possess it !!! .

The Chase

**WHAM !!! ** . He tripped and fell down hard. He must have hit his nose on something very hard as blood was trickling down unto his shirt, if you can still call this a shirt. A parliament of owls were staring right at him. It didn’t take him long to realize that he had been lacerated in a thousand places while running. This Can’t Stop Me , he thought to himself and continued running. Soon he got to a deserted path and paused for a minute. He wanted to give up at this point but his legs were in unison with his heart and so he continued.

” Ann !!! . He was devastated when he saw them. By now, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed. He noticed that she was now cuffed and blindfolded. The anger in him was enough to boil Triton but he continued running. He stopped in time to notice that a river was ahead and when he stepped into the banks, it was colder than Pluto. He looked at the village one last time and jumped into the river. As he swam along the cold river, he was more determined to get her back than he was earlier. ”

The Dark Gloomy River

They arrived at the village six months ago seperately but planned to leave in a couple of weeks together. She was from one of the top universities in the land ( its not Unilorin joo ! ). She was the only thing the village gave to him. As a matter of fact, that is the only thing nature has ever given to him before sef ! He rose a little higher to get air whilst steering himself just in time to avoid colliding with a stone.

They met at a local restaurant in front of his hotel and their meeting was quite dramatic. He wasn’t really a ‘woman wrapper’ kinda person. His Mother really tried for him. She brought six different girls to him and he rejected them all without looking at them sef !

She strode into the restaurant and he had to admit that she was pretty. He quickly got out of his trance as usual and found out that virtually all the guys in the room were looking at her ( even @yolnizzle !). She was obviously a little bit embarrassed. She should be used to this by now na !

She scanned the room and came straight to him. He was in his ‘Corper shoes’ which made him distinct. ” There we go, she’s just one of these low-life hoes sha ! Perhaps she wants to get something out of me but today is going to be hell for her walahi ! . He really was prepared to kill her off quickly. He smiled to himself and whispered, ” this is it ” !!!

She half-dragged him to the corner of the room before he could he even protest. I’m very sorry but is something wrong with my dress ? . He straightened up and whispered ‘The division at the back is now more than enough, its showing your thighs’ . She looked sorry and felt disgusted. It felt like she had been walking naked all day. No wonder those guys were staring that much at her !

He heard the bigger guy in the group command her to stop screaming else he’ll kill her. He swam faster than normal.

Dave always believed that girls that were well cultured albeit beautiful never existed. I mean, he felt they were in extinction now. He doesn’t roll around with girls that much because they all had HOES tattooed on their forehead ( if your handle is ‘pweety’ this or ‘sexy’ that, you’re a HOE. You might not agree yet but you’ll soon discover that you’re a HOE #thatsall .) but this girl was as good as gold.

He jumped out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of the dying engine of the boat. It halted in front of a hut and they went in, dragging Ann with them. He continued swimming, this time, faster than Phelps.

A Tale Of Three Cities

You ! Ehn yes you ! ( is this one mad ? You’re still asking if its you ) I know why you’re reading this, i pity you gan ! Criticizing me isn’t the best idea i’ve heard since God created man . For your information, i only thought about this not long ago after reading @straighttwistedme ‘s post and being who i am, i just won’t let it go !

Really i should have posted something new earlier but i’m lazy as shit ( cc @rhymemarvel ) and i’m still mourning the death of my gadget man, Steve Jobs ( famzing was epic on the day he died. As a matter of fact, someone on my TL tweeted thus “RIP steve jobs, i love your music ).

Today’s topic should have been different because that boy Charles Dickens sold me out by using it ( that aint new to me, @the_nerdy_chick @kemmiiii @oluwawana are just a few others who are copying me ).

Anyways, after all that has happened and will happen in Nigeria, this is my own painting of the future. Any form of resemblance to real life groups or personality is not intended and is highly regretted. ( na lie ohh, its on purpose). If your camp aint there, set P with me. You cant win !!!

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The great wall was completed and that was the end of it. The parties involved were very happy and they sincerely wish that this would signal a new beginning. Now the division was complete and they can live happily ever after (thats so sweet, get me a tissue ).

CAMP ONE
POPULATION : Over Five Million.
A.K.A : Sarcasm
STRONG POINT : Noise Making

This camp is filled with people whose surnames are SARCASM. Ask one of them a question and the reply you’ll get is most definately another question. Watch two of them argue and you’ll love them ( them they make noise !!! .

I almost forgot to add that their girls are very fine gan but they wear two bras ( the usual one and one for their bulging stomach ). Legend has it that they looooove parties too ! Its quite sad that they all died of the same problem, Ameboism and Backbiting

CAMP TWO
POPULATION : Just a little above the guys in CAMP ONE
A.K.A : Business
Strong Point : Container

This guys are very industrious. Needless to say that they looooooove money ! Rumour has it that they’ll do anything for money. Guess what, they killed themselves because of money but i’m not sure they were all extinguished. Some of them max have joined other camps because they are fraudulent gan !

CAMP THREE
POPULATION : Just a little below that of china ( dem dey born lyk rats ni )
A.K.A : ??? ( iono if i’m allowed to say this coz i heard “firecrackers” are very cheap here)
STRONG POINT : Begging

God knows that everyone in this camp are the same, beggars. Their business is more lucrative compared to those in other camps because of their own addition, religion. That aside, they do even crazier thing like throwing firecrackers in public places for fun. The all died because no one was willing to do anything.

P.S : I want you all to read this again whilst watching the opening scenes of the movie, 2012 on the 24th of December, 2012. Thus making my prediction and theirs one of the most infamous predictions of all time ( Alongside Pele’s prediction that Man United Will Definately Beat Barcelona in the champions league final ). .If Nigeria ever splits tho, its our collective fault coz we are NIGERIA. Always remember tho, YORUBA WOMEN are troublesome Gan !