Nollywood Spoof Competition

M.Y: Hey guys!!! How are you all doing this evening. I am so excited today. You know why?

Leslie: Because I am here with all my awesomeness????

M.Y: Awesome kini? Abegi shift jare!!! It’s that time of the year again. The Nollywood Movie Spoof Competition is back!!!

Leslie: Last year was so awesome. I mean check out the few entries from last year we have posted in here.

M.Y: So Leslie, as the organizer of this event, tell us a few things about the event.

Leslie: So, basically, The Nollywood Movie Spoof is an annual contest of parody & spoof designs done by amazing designers all-over Nigeria (and the world), making light jokes at Nollywood movies and its famous celebs. It is sometimes taken beyond Nollywood celebs but….

M.Y: Seriously, it’s all jokes and laughs here.

Leslie: Yeah, we don’t want no lawsuits or people walking up to us in the streets like it’s our fault or anything.

M.Y: No guys seriously…it’s just jokes.

Leslie: Okay?

M.Y: Okay…Seriously.Its.All.Just.Jokes

Leslie: So basically, the Competition started like most terrible ideas; among friends. We all shared a clear distaste for the quality of many Nollywood movies.

M.Y: We figured if they couldn’t listen to us when we spoke, then they’d listen better when we designed. The competition is just 2 years old and last year we had well over 40 entries.

Leslie: So this time we’re trying to make it bigger. Here’s the catch. Turn on your laptop, Double Click on your favorite Adobe Designing tool, Take a poster, make a Nollywood spin of it, and be creative about it. Impress us with wit, awesomeness, and a few clicks and drags.

M.Y: It’s really not too much to ask for, is it?

Leslie: So the big question is this: How do I enter the Competition right? Simple. Follow the link. https://www.facebook.com/TheNollywoodSpoof Then Like the page(if you no like am, OYO) and submit your application

M.Y: Application? Is it JAMB. LOL. Submit your designs and invite your friends to like the page and like your design.  The event runs from June 23rd 2013 to August 4th. So that’s six weeks of pure fun, laffs and unbridled raw creativity.

Leslie: now there is a big surprise folks. This year, there is going to be a price for the winner of the competition. You stand a chance of winning 10,000 naira from http://www.tosanonline.com

M.Y: Yes that’s right. 10k! Just like that.

Tosan Online is a site with the initiative to not only link the seller to his prospective buyer with all ease, but also get rid of all form of stress involved. So your stress becomes theirs. They also have very reasonable rates.

So visit http://­www.tosanonline.com/ today and start promoting your products. From cosmetic products to electronics and clothing. BRING IT ALL

Leslie: I also just thought of this. It also helps to promote designers and puts them in a better light thus promoting their business. Some of the feedback we got were pretty amazing, some of the celebs contacted some of these designers. It’s really beautiful when stuff like that happens.

M.Y: Some of these works shouldn’t be on here as spoofs alone. These are the guys who will revolutionize a lot of things in Nollywood.

So yeah. Get creative, put on your thinking caps…

Leslie: Better still, put on your laptops. Thinking caps won’t design the posters.

M.Y: The people know what I meant…

Leslie: Just had to put it out there…

M.Y: Put on your…laptops and get to designing.

Anyways Here are a few examples of the kind of stuff we’re expecting so you know to come correct. Feel me?

M.Y: Like Braille brother. Like Braille. And to view a full gallery of previous years entries, follow this link.

 

Leslie: The event is organized by Pixel Ninjas Guild  and proudly supported by Sodas & Popcorn and Eventiso

End.

The Departure

“This man, a man God brought as our savior. Many have been saved through God and him. He has been very supportive to the Church. He was a very good man”.
The Bishop said the final prayers and she walked back to her car – wiping tears from her eyes intermittently. Why was she crying ? She planned to cry for them to see but this is actually because she wasn’t sure she made the right decision concerning Richie. It’ll go away. Time will make it go away. Time heals all wounds.

Prologue.

They were so in love. So made for each other. Their hearts in synchrony. Love was made for them. Sophie truly loved Richie and he loved her even more. After their University days, they stuck together unsurprisingly. Sophie asked him to wait for her till marriage and that He did. He didn’t pressurize her nor was he doing anything suspicious in the background. When He finally proposed to her, she said yes without much ado. A truly awesome man Richie was. A gentleman he was. Was.

Plot.

Richie is traveling again. The 15th time this year and the 4th time in two months. Obviously being a managing director is very demanding but this was getting too much for her. Three years into the marriage and she’s starting to get worried. He doesn’t even have time for her again even when he’s in Lagos. Dog Tired when he gets back from work and going out before sunrise. She would have been worried about him seeing someone else but she trusts her man. He isn’t like that. Besides, isn’t that what marriage is all about ? Trust ?

She got the shock of her life when her forgot his phone at home one Champions League night. He went to his friend Dayo’s house, as usual on Champions League nights. She was making dinner when she heard his phone ring. She hurriedly went in search of it. She found it on the table next to the TV remote controller. 10 missed calls from mama ? This is unusual. Why is she calling at night ? The phone rang again and this time she picked up.

Lady : Hello Dear. I’m waiting for you now. The party will soon start and we should get there early if you don’t want to leave late. Also, you know the Doctor asked you to come with me tomorrow. We should go early too so that you can get back to work. And you didn’t even spend much time with me and junior earlier today. Hello ? Dear ? Hello ?

Her heart melted in her chest and her legs gave way. Her temperature rose and she became red-faced immediately. Richie had a woman somewhere ? And a child ? Or children ? Jesus Christ ! She cried. Not because she didn’t have a child of hers but because she felt used. She couldn’t even think straight. She went into the kitchen and switched off the gas cooker and went to bed. She didn’t want to go through the pain of the sad truth that he may be keeping things that are a lot worse from her.

The week after, she went to Tinu’s house. That’s the name of the girl. She’d spent the last six days researching and gathering facts. She felt betrayed but still loved Richie. Too much to even confront him with her findings. He knew though. He tried to be sweet and all but she didn’t buy that. Thankfully, Tinu was only pregnant. The situation can still be salvaged. She had a plan. It had to work out well.

Pain.

She hates traveling to her village. Worse still, it was only a false alarm. She was called hours ago that her grandma was very sick. Turned out that it was only Malaria. She called to inform Richard that she will pass the night here. She advised that He spend his at Tinu’s. He agreed and said he’ll be on his way. She was Tinu’s friend now not by her choice though. She accepted Tinu because she truly loved Richard. A divorce would have prevented him from being General Manager now. And after Tinu’s miscarriage, she felt sorry for her and they became good friends. Her Shopkeeper called that instant to inform her that the government officials were around. She forgot to drop the receipt of payment earlier. She called Richie to inform him but he didn’t pick her calls. She hurried back to the Airport.

“At least, mama is fine and there really isn’t any need to stay here. I should get back to Lagos before 5”

Epilogue.


Tinu : Lets strangle him.

Sophie : He’ll easily overpower us. Besides, that is too crude. *sobs*

Tinu : We have to teach him a lesson. And that Yeye girl too. I have a plan.

Richard cheated on her again. She couldn’t take it anymore. This last straw shattered her heart. When she saw him in bed with that girl, she wanted to stab him 28 times in the chest, rip his heart out and pee on it. She instead cried uncontrollably as memories of her former Richard flooded her thoughts. Anyways, she was gonna beat the shameless girl. She deserves it. Sleeping with a man that old. She made for the girl but Richard got in the way. He hit her. Hard enough that she was hospitalized. Before she lost consciousness, she heard him instruct the girl not to worry about the old witch. Death will just be appropriate for her. He even drove the girl back to her hostel. That rubbed away her humanity. That blow.

End.

She didn’t ask Tinu how she went about it. Richie is dead now. Food poisoning they said and the stupid University girl was arrested. She felt good. No, she felt bad. Well, he hit her. He deserves this. He did.

Lieber

”Zubair Is A Chronic Hippie and a Double OG – Gentleman and Gangsta” – Albert Einstein.

What it do y’all ? i know some of y’all aint hapy to see me. To them, i say this STOP HATING !

So Wana nominated me for this award thing and i gotta state now that things will be a little different. Refer to Einstein’s quote above. P.S – Only disregard that if you’re smarter than him.

Onto the modalities for the award. I should define what the award is, thank the person that voted me, state 11 random facts about me, answer their adjoining questions and vote 11 new bloggers.

Abdoolz Santana : Rules are too mainstream. we don’t follow rules.

Zubair Santos III : Exactly ! Which is why i won’t define it. I’ll just go on and state 11 random facts about me.

1. I LOVE CARTOONS. And I will pick my favorite cartoons over any movie.

Abdoolz Santana : Even The Shawshank Redemption, 3 Idiots, Inglorious Basterds ?

Zubair Santos III : Yes I will pick Family Guy, Naruto, Boondocks, American Dad e.t.c over them

2. I only have 2 crushes. One girl like that. And another girl. Still girls throw their selves at me.

Girls

Girls

Abdoolz Santana : Nigga You plain lying !

Haters Be Like

Haters Be Like

Zubair Santos III : Y’all hating ass niggas will soon be disappointed.

Soon......

Soon……

3. I am very shy, boring and not funny. But you all know this.

4. I know/play football better than most of y’all. This some of y’all know.

5. I think country music is the best genre available. I don’t care about you rap/rock fans. I don’t care.

6. Don’t be fooled. I couldn’t speak English fluently till SS 2. All these big words ? Eez nothing.

7. I am a male chauvinist. This must be made clear as very few females interest me.

@kemmiiii : Awwwwn. And I am one of the very few.

Zubair Santos III : Shut up Bro.

8. I don’t like Michael Jackson. Nor WizKid, almost all Nigerian musicians, Ibadan people, Jay Z e.t.c. In that order.

9. I only read books on conspiracy theories and related things. Other stuffs are boring. I used to be a substitute doubter too.

10. I formed all my nicknames. ALL OF ‘EM !. How cool is that ? And i have like 50. From Abdoolz Santana to Zubairthedream, CaballeroZubair, Mutallab, Lord Zubair, Zubby, Dante, Leopold, Maximilian to Zubair Santos III.

Abdoolz Santana : You exaggerate. Wait, aren’t supposed to write 11 facts ?

Zubair Santos III : Hippie.

Onto the questions Wana asked.

1. What can i do to be like you ?

Zubair Santos III : Haha. You see my son, you just havta follow my lead.

@Oluwawanamama : I didn’t ask that !

Abdoolz Santana : There’s a mix up. That question is from Tife. That Tife boy. These are Wana’s

1. What’s the most illegal thing you can do for Money ?

Zubair Santos III : I dunno. I’ll cross that bridge when i get to it. But really, you can’t go much lower from where i am now.

2. Can you be a house husband ?

Zubair Santos III : Nah. My work won’t allow that.

3. Anal Sex ?

Zubair Santos III : Receptive ? Only if the other option is to watch my family die if i don’t. Giving ? Hmmmmn.

4. Dwayne Johnson or Vin Diesel ?

Zubair Santos III : Seth MacFarlane. I don’t care/know these guys but can they voice 5 different acts in the same show and at the same time ? I don’t think so.

5. How happy are you with the state of your life at the moment ?

Zubair Santos III : A stranger told me not to complain about life. I’m cool with this. It coulda been better/worse.

6. Music or Movies ?

Zubair Santos III : What are movies.

Abdoolz Santana : I dunno Bro. I dunno.

7. Most expensive place you’ve eaten ?

Zubair Santos III : Home.

8. Your favorite quote ?

Zubair Santos III : ”Woof Wooof Woooof…..Grrrrrrrrrrr. Woof…..Grrrr. Grrrrr…….grrrr” – Wise Fox.

10. What sound do you love the most ?

Zubair Santos III : Clive Tydeslley on FIFA 13. Whenever i score with Reus, the shout is orgasmic. REUS !!

11. If you could stay at a certain age forever. what will it be ?

Zubair Santos III : 16. I became a legend at 16.

That is all.

@Cumical: : Nigga, you skipped the question about your body, question 9.

Abdoolz Santana : Nah. We can’t let y’all ridicule us here on our post. We can’t allow that. Also, we aint gonna nominate no blogger or ask no questions.

Zubair Santos III : Actually, i have a question for y’all. Do you think i’m incredibly sexy or ridiculously smart ?

Drop your answers in the comment box.

LATER Y’ALL